cHApTEr 11. EmoTionAl DAmAgE (2 of 3)

It had been raining non-stop for the past few days. Most of the time, Mioray stayed at the storage facility and didn’t think about the weather outside, which was why he ended up soaked from following Kevin. The lawyer, on the other hand, held a black umbrella over himself, shielding himself from the raindrops. As always, he was prepared. He could’ve warned Mioray too, but no, why would he!

Their destination, as unexpected as it was, turned out to be the university. The idea had come from Kevin. According to him, there were supposed to be wandering souls there, and the university grounds served as a neutral location to meet with Natalie Lance. She had agreed to meet them there over the phone.

However, Kevin wanted to make a detour first. He and Mioray went to the suburbs – a quiet little neighborhood with cozy houses neatly arranged in a row along the road. Mioray had no clue why they were there; Kevin didn’t think it necessary to explain. They passed by the orderly homes. With their warm light glowing and pristine lawns, the homes resembled dollhouses more than real residences. At some point, Kevin suddenly stopped.

The house they stood in front of was no different from the others, but for some reason, it captured Kevin’s attention. In one of the windows, Mioray noticed a fair haired woman. She was preparing dinner, slicing vegetables for a salad, and when she finished, she used the knife to push them into a bowl. Stepping back, she turned slightly, and that’s when Mioray noticed her round belly. She was clearly pregnant.

“Excuse me, are you waiting for me?”

A car pulled up next to them. A man in his mid-thirties looked out from the driver’s seat.

“No,” Kevin replied plainly. “We’re just passing by.”

“Oh, I see,” the man said, his voice slightly alarmed but still polite. “Not the best weather today, huh? I can’t wait to get home. The city hasn’t felt very safe lately.”

He resumed driving, but not for long. He turned into the driveway of the same house where the woman was, then turned off the engine. The car settled as he got out and hurried into the house to escape the rain.

So, it was his home. No wonder he was suspicious of two strangers standing outside, staring at the woman who was most likely his wife. All things considered, he’d been quite courteous.

Looking through the window, Mioray saw the man join the woman. He gave her a quick kiss on the cheek and hugged her from behind. They exchanged a few words, then the man nodded toward the window. The woman looked out and noticed Mioray.

Startled, Mioray turned to Kevin, only to find the lawyer already far ahead. Mioray had been left standing alone on the sidewalk in front of the house like some kind of creep. Feeling embarrassed, he hurried to catch up.

“Hey, what’s the deal?” Mioray demanded as soon as he caught up. “Who are those people? Someone from your past?”

“The ones from that house?” Kevin continued walking, cool as ever, the umbrella steady in his hand. “That woman is my wife. Was my wife,” he corrected. “Technically, she’s a widow. Well, not anymore. Not really. She’s married to that man.”

He didn’t even look at Mioray as he spoke, and it took a moment for Mioray to process what he’d said. Even then, he wasn’t sure he’d understood correctly.

“Wait,” Mioray stopped, forgetting all about the rain. “What?”

Kevin did not just say that as casually as if he were talking about what he had for breakfast! He was married during his life? This was the first time Mioray heard anything about it. He kind of assumed Kevin was interested in Erinel. Of course, one thing didn’t necessarily contradict the other, but… still. Kevin was married? Did the others know?

It was such a huge revelation that Mioray didn’t even notice how he started slouching as he was trying to match Kevin's pace. The man continued walking, unfazed, not caring whether Mioray kept up or not.

“You can’t just drop a bomb like that and act like it’s nothing!” Mioray complained. “You never mentioned you had a family!”

“Is that so hard to believe?” Kevin asked.

“Yes!” Mioray exclaimed. “I mean… No… Actually, you know what? My answer stands. Yes, it is. I’d have never taken you for a family guy.”

“Oh yeah? Well, I’d have never taken you for a guy who ogles older women.”

“What?!” Mioray gasped. Was Kevin referring to Erinel? “That’s just uncalled for! I don’t have to justify myself to you!”

Mioray continued ranting, insisting Kevin was being unfair, that his personal life and preferences were none of Kevin’s business. Kevin walked in silence long enough for Mioray to realize the irony: he had been prying into Kevin’s personal life too. Then again, Kevin brought him to that house where the pregnant woman was, and then called her his wife, of his own accord.

“Wait, but she was pregnant!” The thought hit Mioray hard. He stepped in front of Kevin, blocking his path. “Is that your–”

“No,” Kevin cut him off with a wince. “Didn’t you learn math in school? I’ve been dead for eight months, and she’s barely in her second trimester.” He glanced back the way they’d come, but the house was already out of sight, hidden behind rows of near-identical homes. “No. It’s not my child. It’s his.”

Raindrops drummed hollowly against his umbrella.

“It’s not that I didn’t want children,” Kevin said after a long pause. “Maybe you’re right. Maybe I wasn’t cut out for a family. I was in a terrible place. I worked my ass off, suffocating under the pressure, terrified I wasn’t good enough. I was depressed. My wife tried to help, but I shut her out. I closed myself off from everyone, convinced I could handle it on my own. Until one day, I took my own life.”

Mioray didn’t know what to say. It was the last thing he’d expected from Kevin. Not just to share how he died, but that he had ended his life. Kevin always seemed so organized and composed. It didn’t mean he was perfect, of course – the raid on the abandoned factory had been a disaster, and Kevin was the first to fall – but he had always tried his best.

Trying your best wasn’t always enough, unfortunately.

“I’m supposed to be dead and in the afterlife,” Kevin continued. “But instead, I’m here. And my eyesight’s no better than it was when I was alive.” He took off his glasses and moved the umbrella aside, letting the rain hit his face. “I took sleeping pills, but I didn’t want to take chances, so I hanged myself. With a tie I hated, but still wore every day to maintain the image.”

Kevin spoke with a straight face. But was it really? Raindrops streamed down his cheeks. He had wanted to die. Life had made him miserable, and he had been desperate to escape.

There was nothing Mioray could say in response. It was too late. The deed was already done. And if it hadn't been? What could he have said to convince Kevin not to take his own life? Suicide wasn’t something Mioray had ever thought much about, nor had he lived through the loss of someone close by it. Until now, at least. Not that Kevin was close or anything.

But he didn’t know how to help people in that kind of struggle. The first instinct would be to tell them life is worth living, that death is a one-way street. But it wasn’t like they didn’t know that. They were painfully aware of the consequences. That journey is often taken alone, and being alone, that’s the worst part. There’s no shame in these thoughts, in these feelings. There’s always someone who would join in the pain, share the burden.

“After my death, my wife started attending a grief support group,” Kevin said, almost as if he were telling a story from a life that never really belonged to him. “She met her current husband there. His wife died after battling a long illness. The pain brought my wife and that man together. They found salvation in each other's kindness. Now, they’re expecting their first child.”

For someone who spoke so calmly about his wife remarrying, Kevin knew suspiciously much about how they met. He kept walking, wiping raindrops from his face. He put his glasses back on. Mioray felt uneasy. He couldn’t understand why Kevin was sharing all of this with him. They weren’t exactly close, nor particularly fond of each other.

“Why are you telling me all this?” Mioray asked, less demanding than before.

The cruel irony in all of it was that Kevin had tried to leave everything behind only to be stuck here, living as a dead man. Until recently, they’d believed they were immortal. But now, with Terry gone, they knew otherwise.

Could it be that Kevin was considering it again? That with the help of the Cursed Blade, he could end things for good?

“When I came back, at first, I was looking for a way to finish what I started,” Kevin stopped at a red light. The road was empty, but he didn’t move until the light turned green. “Erinel told me about the blade and promised to help me. But over time, I changed my mind. I’ve decided to stick around, for now. I want to understand what lies behind the realm between realms, and what’s inside that Cursed Blade of Avalon. I could use your help. You’re supposed to be proficient in history, and maybe your feelings for Erinel would make her more inclined to share something useful.”

Not this again!

Mioray had gone on one date – one! – which barely counted as a date, and now everyone acted like he was head-over-heels in love with Erinel. It simply wasn’t true. And it didn’t help that Kevin was adding fuel to the fire. If Mioray hadn’t ruled out the idea that Kevin and Erinel might’ve been close, it was clear now that they weren’t.

“The reason I told you about my life is because I want you to know that, in the end, I am human,” Kevin said, his voice steady, yet tinged with something heavier. “Like you, Matt, Farah, Mia, and Terry. But Erinel is not. She’s greanrip, and we don’t know her true goals. I won’t judge her for what she did to Terry. It’s a terrible turn of events, but there’s nothing we could’ve done for him. However, it doesn’t change the fact that Erinel perceives her act differently from us. Not only Terry’s death. Everything, really. Never forget that.”

Kevin’s tone cooled as he pressed on, his breath forming clouds in the damp air. “Right now our goals may align and we can coexist. But that can change at any time, and then she won’t be our ally anymore. Hopefully, I can understand what it is she seeks before that happens.”

Mioray wanted to argue, but he knew Kevin was right. Most of the time – especially during their first meeting, on the date, and at the museum – Erinel was cute and charming, if not downright breathtaking. She had that way about her, like a mystery wrapped in silk. But other times, she was ruthless and calculating, her motives hidden behind carefully chosen words. She didn’t hesitate for even a second when she stabbed Terry. The reason she wanted to get the Cursed Blade was to have the means to kill the undead. She might have told Kevin about it because he was looking for a way out, someone she could trust with that kind of truth. But she kept it from the others, dodging around her real intentions.

“She might have had her reasons,” Mioray said aloud, his voice subdued, more to himself than anyone else. “It’s not like we’ve earned her trust either. She explained why she had to keep the blade’s true nature a secret. For now, I’ll take it. If she wanted to deal with all of us, she’d have done that sooner. The only reason she needs the blade now is because of Impact Corpse.”

Kevin shot him a sideways glance, his mouth curling into a dry sneer.

“You’re going to rationalize your way out of it?” he asked. “Don’t say I didn’t warn you. I’d like for you to be right. For all our sakes. But I don’t think Impact Corpse will be the end of it. We lost Terry, after all.”

The silence that followed was thick with rain and tension.

It wasn’t long before they arrived at the university. At night, the place looked eerie and empty, but Mioray knew that during the day, it still pulsed with life. Strange, how something so full of motion for many could turn into a grave for some.

It had been a month since the attack. Since Impact Corpse had painted the walls with death in an explosive bloodbath. Yet nothing on the surface betrayed that horror. The cafeteria wall that had been blown open was now hidden behind a construction awning, and all the windows in the adjacent corridor were replaced with new ones. To an outsider, it looked like a routine renovation. No bodies. No screams frozen in concrete.

They passed through the courtyard. Mioray’s boots squelched against the wet pavement. At first, he thought they were alone, until he spotted a pair seated under a tree. A couple on the bench. They were translucent, outlined in a pale green shimmer.

Mioray’s breath hitched.

They weren’t just any souls of the dead. Mioray recognized them.

“I kept wondering when it would finally click for you,” Kevin said, satisfied with the effect it had on Mioray. “You never brought them up, but it’s time to face your dead friends.”

Mioray felt his legs lock from under him as if the rain had turned his bones to stone. Sitting on the bench, serene and waiting, were Chris and Julie. The same Chris who had been crushed under rubble. Julie – the bright girl who had exploded into a cloud of flesh. Now, they were whole. No blood. No wounds. Just ghosts. Mioray couldn’t look at them directly. He stared at the ground, his shoulders stiff. Shame rose up in his chest like bile.

“Look, Julie, it’s Mioray and Kevin!” Chris radiated joy as usual. “The man didn’t lie, Mioray survived the attack. But what is this? He’s got two arms now? Oh, right, you don’t know!” He slapped himself on the forehead when Julie looked at him, puzzled. “Man, funny story. Mioray lost his arm and was trying to hide it using a cast.”

Hearing Chris talk like it was just your usual Tuesday… Mioray felt a strange mix of happiness and sadness swell inside him. His friends were dead. But, weirdly, they seemed at peace. They didn’t suffer, even though their deaths had been cruel. And now, they were smiling at him. Smiling at Mioray.

“If you came, does that mean it’s time, Kevin?” Julie stood up, fiddling with the zipper of her peach-colored hoodie, which now had a faint greenish outline. She directed the question at Kevin. It was strange seeing them so familiar with the man.

“That’s right,” Kevin nodded, his voice calm. He glanced around; they’d arrived earlier than the appointed time to meet with Natalie. “I’ll give you guys some time.”

“Thanks.” Julie turned to Mioray, her expression softening. “So, Mioray, how have you been?”

He was at a loss for words. Everything felt surreal. The last time Mioray had seen Julie, she was having a breakdown, devastated over Chris’s death. And then Impact Corpse exploded her by detonating his arm, and pieces of her body flew in every direction.

“Mioray, my man, come on, stop with this holy boy act!” Chris jumped up from the bench, his usual energy undimmed. He moved to throw an arm around Mioray’s shoulder, but it passed right through. “Oh, man! I keep forgetting we can’t touch anything!”

Mioray chuckled and raised a hand over his face. Maybe tears welled up in his eyes, or maybe it was just the rain. He couldn’t tell anymore.

“I missed you guys,” he said, his voice trembling.

It felt like a reunion after a long parting. They shared their stories – Mioray recounting everything that had happened to him, starting from the morgue. Chris and Julie, in turn, told him about their time as souls. When they first returned after their deaths, a few days had already passed and the attack was over. Confusion reigned among the dead; none of them understood what had happened. Chris, charismatic as ever, stepped up as a leader. He gathered the others, trying to console them and keep the spirits high. A few days later, Kevin showed up and helped them begin their crossing to the other side. The lawyer also told Chris and Julie about Mioray, and that he, too, would soon be able to see the spiritual plane. So they stayed, waiting for that time to come.

“I’m sorry. I can’t believe I forgot about you guys,” Mioray said with quiet regret.

“That actually hurts, man.” Chris shook his head, mock-reproachful. “Like, what the hell? How can you forget your best friend? Oh well, don’t let it get to your head. You had a lot on your plate. It’s wild to think you’re dead, but kind of not.”

“Yeah,” Mioray agreed. “Somehow, I can still pretend to be alive. But I was also the reason that man attacked us. It’s my fault you died.”

“No, I don’t think so,” Julie said firmly, planting her knuckles on her hips. “You shouldn’t blame yourself, Mioray. That man is the only one who’s at fault. And those responsible for the way he is, I suppose.”

“True, true,” Chris said, pulling Julie into a hug. At least souls could still interact with each other. “Man, but that’s crazy stuff you’re in now, Mioray. It’s like straight from a sick comic book! Anyway, that Erinel you’ve got your eye on, how old is she really?”

Mioray sighed. Was he cursed or something? It was like all anyone cared about now was his relationship with Erinel.

“Come on, man, I’m just kidding!” Chris laughed. “Man, I’d give anything to join your undead cult. Sounds like a fun bunch. Of course, it sucks that you lost one along the way – no other than Terry Strands! I was actually a fan, you know?”

Even though it was raining, they continued chatting about random things. They forgot about the time, forgot the fact that all of them were dead. Mioray couldn’t remember the last time he felt so relaxed. It was so cathartic he could almost cry. Who would’ve thought he’d get a chance to reminisce with his friends one last time?

“And remember that time Juju got hungry and went out looking for a pizza joint – even though it was the middle of the night?” Chris said, grinning.

“Yeah,” Julie smiled. “Angelika was so on edge. She worried about him all night, to the point it got annoying.”

“Good times, man. Good times.”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” Mioray said, looking at his friends. They were all seated on the bench now. “How is it that you can sit on the bench?”

Both Chris and Julie flinched slightly, glancing down.

“I don’t know, man,” Chris shrugged. “It’s like asking why we wear clothes even though we’re souls, right?”

The moment to part was drawing near. Kevin, who had been standing quietly under an umbrella not far away, approached them. The look on his face said it all. It was time.

“We had a good run. Shame it ended so abruptly,” Chris sighed. “But hey, on the bright side, maybe we didn’t live long, but me and Julie are together. So I’m not afraid of anything.”

“Are you ready?” Kevin asked.

Chris and Julie joined hands and nodded in unison.

“Good,” the lawyer said with a nod. “Mioray, you can do the honors.”

Mioray took a deep breath, then slowly cut through the air with his finger. A shining green line followed the motion, forming an ellipse filled with endless darkness. Despite his earlier words, Mioray noticed Chris squeezing Julie’s hand a little tighter.

“So, do you guys, like, know what’s inside there?” he asked, tension creeping into his voice.

“We don’t,” Mioray replied honestly. “But I’d like to think there’s some kind of closure. Like… you’re turning a new leaf in your existence. Finishing one chapter, starting another.”

“I’d like that,” Chris said after a moment of thought.

He and Julie took a step forward.

“Wait,” Mioray said suddenly, stopping them. He looked at Julie. “Before you go, I want to confess something.”

“What is it?” she asked, curious.

“Well, it’s nothing really important,” Mioray said, feeling embarrassed but also like he needed to get it off his chest. “Anyway, when we first met, I had a crush on you, Julie.”

Julie chuckled warmly.

“I know, Mioray.”

“You do?”

“Yeah. Chris told me.”

“He did?”

That was confusing. Mioray was sure he had never told Chris about it.

“Yeah. Why do you think he gave you the ‘holy boy’ nickname? Chris was actually jealous and afraid I’d dump him for you. We even had a fight because of you. I told him that if he wanted to keep dating me, he had to become friends with you. And, well, he did. It turned out well in the end.”

“Yeah, sorry about that, man,” Chris bit his tongue, like he'd just been caught red-handed.

Mioray laughed, thinking about how ridiculous it all was. So much for closure. To think that Chris and Julie had fought because of him! If someone had told him that before, he’d never have believed it. He could barely believe it even now.

“See you on the other side someday,” Chris said, one foot inside the portal. “Say hi to Angelika and Juju. Or don’t. They’ll probably think you’ve lost it if you do. Oh well. Just one thing, Mioray. Don’t forget about us anymore, okay?”

“I won’t. I promise,” Mioray said, gritting his teeth. He watched and waved as his friends entered the portal.

“Is there a light there?” was the last thing Julie asked before she and Chris vanished into the darkness. The portal disintegrated behind them, leaving no trace it had ever existed. Mioray remained standing, hand outstretched, like a gesture frozen in time.

The world felt lonelier. Mioray sat back down on the bench, a hollow ache growing in his chest. Bittersweet apathy washed over him. He was grateful to see his friends again, grateful they were at peace, but the reality of it was painful. They were dead, after all. Dead when they could’ve been alive.

“How are you holding up?” Kevin asked, sitting beside him.

“I feel like I’ve lost a part of myself,” Mioray confessed. “I still don’t understand how I could have forgotten about Chris and Julie.”

“Actually, it’s part of the deal with being undead,” Kevin said, crossing his legs.

Mioray looked at him curiously. The lawyer had more to say.

“Has it ever crossed your mind why our emotions feel detached?” Kevin continued. “It’s because we don’t perceive them physically, like the living do. We operate on memories of emotions, and how those emotions used to affect our bodies. So what you feel is shaped by what you think you should feel while your body just plays along. That’s where your laughter or crying comes from. It’s all projection from the soul. But when you're focused on one thing, you might lose sight of everything else. Like forgetting your friends.”

Kevin paused, letting that settle in.

“At the same time,” he went on, “this mental version of emotion isn’t grounded by brain chemistry. No safeguard. It can overload you. My theory is that’s what happened to Impact Corpse. And Terry.”

Kevin’s theory made sense. Right now, Mioray was thinking about Chris and Julie and it was squeezing his chest like a vice, making it hard to breathe. But he knew that if he shifted his mind to something else, the suffocation would pass. The problem was, everything else felt just as heavy. Claire’s death. Terry’s transformation. If Mioray were still alive, he’d probably be devastated by it all.

But he was undead. And he was fine. In silence, he waited for Natalie to arrive.

“Look, here comes your detective,” Kevin said, rising to his feet as he spotted Natalie Lance walking into the university courtyard. Like him, she held an umbrella, a white one, in her hand. “Let’s not keep her waiting.”